12 Easy Moves to Make Your Sex Life Hotter
You, too, can become a sex goddess. I'm perfectly serious: By investing a little time, less effort and no money, you can become a powerful erotic force, a woman capable of reducing your partner to a state of gasping, spent gratitude. All you have to do is become sexually fit -- and I swear you won't have to set foot in a gym.
Just as incorporating a little walking or stair climbing into your daily routine can make a big difference to your overall fitness, so can practicing a few simple exercises -- sexercises -- elevate your level of sexual fitness to the point where your orgasms are more frequent, more intense and longer-lasting. Believe it or not, you'll also develop amazing control over his pleasure: You can become the lover of his secret fantasies without feeling the least bit like a surrendered wife.
Here, a quick four-step course in sexual fitness. Your time investment: mere minutes a day. Add the "Extra Credit" exercises if you're aiming for higher skill levels.
Step One: Kegels, the Foundation of Sensational Sex
Do not mutter, "I've read this before" as you skip lightly over the exercises below while promising yourself, "Someday." Kegels are compulsory, not optional. They help you reach orgasm more easily and feel it more intensely while giving you more erotic control over your man. And they require surprisingly little effort.
Kegels tone and strengthen the pubococcygeus muscles -- the three sets of muscles running from the back to the front of your pubic bone and encircling the openings of the vagina and rectum. They're named after Arnold Kegel, the Los Angeles doctor who promoted their development in the 1940s as a cure for urinary incontinence and post-childbirth "flaccid vagina" syndrome. Few people realize he adapted them from sexual exercises practiced in India for thousands of years.
A woman with strong PCs can grasp her partner's penis and play with it by contracting and releasing her muscles, taking lovemaking beyond everyday sex and into the territory of the Kama Sutra. Without Kegels the PCs are flabby. Period.
You can practice Kegels while driving, standing in line or lying on the sofa watching television. Varying your position from sitting, to standing, to lying down over the course of a week optimizes the exercises.
The Kegel Routine
1. Locate your PC muscles by stopping and starting the flow of urine.
2. Perform the short Kegel squeeze. Contract the PCs 20 times at approximately one squeeze per second, exhaling gently as you tighten. Don't bear down when you release; simply let go. Do two sets every day. Gradually build up to two sets of 75 a day. Then add:
3. The long Kegel squeeze. Hold the muscle contraction for a count of three. Relax between contractions. Work up to holding for 10 seconds and relaxing for 10 seconds. Again, start with two sets of 20 each and gradually build up to 75. If you want a virtuoso vagina, add:
4. The Kegel push-out. After releasing the contraction, gently push down and out with your PC muscles (no bearing down!). Create Kegel sequences that combine long and short repetitions with push-outs -- for example, 10 short squeezes, 10 long squeezes, and five push-outs (any sequence will do). After two months of regular sets, you'll have well-developed PC muscles and be able to maintain them by doing 150 squeezes three or four times a week.
Extra Credit: Erotic Weight Lifting
Weights designed to exercise the PC muscles are available at www.oinkshop.com. The most common varieties are smooth eggs in varying sizes made of polished wood or stone, and tiny barbells. Using your PCs, you pull them into the vagina and push them back out. Follow the directions accompanying the weights.
Step Two: Breathing Exercises
Like Kegels, breathing exercises are easy to learn and practice, and require only a few minutes. The following are adapted from Kundalini yoga, often described as sexual yoga because the exercises target the pelvic and genital areas. You don't have to do breathing exercises every day or every time you make love. Some women use them only when they're having trouble focusing on lovemaking or sustaining arousal during sex.
1. The Breath of Fire. Use this before or during lovemaking to get you in the mood or increase arousal, especially if you're having trouble reaching orgasm. There's no simpler way to oxygenate the blood, a process that increases sexual energy and elevates desire. Take rapid, rhythmic and shallow breaths through the nose. Keep your mouth closed. Breathe this way for one to three minutes.
2. Fire Breathing. Similar name, different technique. Practice it alone before incorporating it into lovemaking. Lie on your back, knees bent, feet spaced well apart. Start by taking deep breaths: Pull each breath into your body so deeply that you feel your diaphragm expanding. Imagine this huge intake of air going all the way down into your genitals. When you exhale, pull that air all the way up from your genitals and out of your body.
After a dozen or so deep breaths, pant by breathing rapidly from your belly with your mouth open. Do this 10 or 20 times, then breathe deeply, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Make the breathing a continuous circular motion. Imagine a circle of fire, beginning as a small circle, composed at first only of nose and mouth, then expanding to include chest, belly and finally genitals. Feel the erotic heat moving in a circle throughout your body as you breathe. And feel your arousal growing with every breath.
Extra Credit: The Fire-Breathing Orgasm
While you're making love, flex your PC muscles in the same pattern as you perform your Fire Breath, squeezing as you inhale and releasing as you exhale. Start by flexing with the panting, then deep breathing and finally Fire Breathing. This may sound a little complicated, but it really isn't; Fire Breathing becomes a reflex action after you've practiced it a half dozen times. Your orgasm will be stunning in its intensity.
Jill, 34, reports: "I had problems with focus during lovemaking. I worried about whether he would come too soon, or would I come at all-- and lost my momentum. Fire Breathing helps me regain sexual focus. The breathing and flexing get me very excited. I can make myself have an orgasm this way, even if he's already come. I can hold him inside me and sustain his erection for a little while by the sheer force of my PCs. I have an explosive orgasm. And he loves it too."
Step Three: Pelvic Exercises
You can gain new flexibility in your pelvis and make your genitals tingle by practicing these streamlined versions of Kundalini yoga positions. They're easy, I promise: The women in my Kundalini class range in age from 20 to 60, from beginners to accomplished practitioners. But everyone could do these positions after the first session. They're ideal for strengthening the muscles of the pelvic region and for relaxing the feeling of tightness that accompanies stress. Let the tension flow out and the erotic energy wash in.
1. The Sexual Lotus. The Opening Lotus is the basic seated yoga position.
In this gentler version, you don't have to lift the heels of your feet onto your thighs. Sit on a firm pillow with your back straight, not arched. Fold your legs in the Indian fashion, with heels tucked loosely and comfortably toward the groin. Rest your hands on your knees, palms up or down depending on what feels right. Breathe slowly and evenly through your nose for a few minutes. Then practice Fire Breathing for three to five minutes, until your body feels suffused with erotic energy. Spend another minute or two breathing slowly and evenly again.
2. The Cat. Get down on all fours. Inhale, becoming swaybacked, bringing your shoulders up and in, and lifting your head.
Now exhale, arching your upper back and tucking the pelvis in and under. Draw your diaphragm up and in and pull your anal muscles up and in. Bring your chin down toward your chest. Repeat nine times. Rest. Do another 10. (See image, left.)
3. The Pelvic Rock. Wearing sexy panties and bra, stand in front of a full-length mirror, your arms hanging loosely by your sides. Admire what you like about your body. Ignore your flaws. Breathe deeply through your mouth, all the way down into your belly. Imagine you are breathing air into your pelvis and your vagina -- and breathing it back out again. Do this three or four times.
Start a forward-and-backward rocking movement with your pelvis. Keep your chest and back relaxed, not rigid; the rocking should be centered in your pelvis. Thrust forward as you inhale; let your pelvis rock back on the exhale. Rock back and forth for three to five minutes, until you feel sexy.
Extra Credit: The Hip Swivel
Valentin Chu, an authority on the ancient Chinese erotic arts, recommends practicing this basic move daily.
It stimulates both the pelvic zone and the "cinnabar field," the area between the navel and the pubic hairline, which is considered highly sensitive.
Stand with your feet about 24 inches apart, knees slightly bent, chest slightly protruding. Put your hands on the sides of your waist, thumbs in front and fingers in the back. Swivel your hips clockwise, moving at approximately three seconds per circuit. As you move your hips forward, inhale and contract your PCs; as you move rearward, exhale and release your PCs. Move in smooth, continuous circles 10 times. Then reverse and move counterclockwise 10 times.
Step Four: Lovemaking Exercise
If you've practiced steps one through three with any diligence at all, you have strong PC muscles. You know how to awaken your own desire and intensify both your arousal and his through breathing exercises. And your pelvis is both toned and liberated. You're ready to perform a move that has the potential to give both of you intense, prolonged and even multiple orgasms.
The Butterfly Quiver. Any woman can feel like a sex goddess if she perfects this move. It couldn't be easier: Simply flex your PC muscles in time with his thrusting. When his erection is very hard, have him slow down and let you control the dynamics of intercourse. His cooperation is important: The Butterfly Quiver is most effective when he does not thrust vigorously. For greater control, shift to the female-superior position (if you aren't there already).
Now flex your PC muscles in a continuous pattern of tightening (as you pull him inside) and releasing (as you push him out), replicating the pulsing of a butterfly's wings. Make the butterfly flutter as fast as you can as he nears ejaculation. When you have developed strong PC muscles, you can make him feel as if the ejaculate is being pulled from his body -- a thrill for both of you. I learned this technique from a Malaysian sex therapist several years ago. When I say it's easy, you can believe me. The orgasms are intense, often multiple, and amazing -- all the argument you'll ever need for keeping up your Kegels.